Number 95.

I remember September 18, 1996 like it was yesterday. I was 4 and woke up that morning to go to pre-school. I got all dressed and ran across the field to my Grandparents house. I saw my grandpa sleeping in his favorite chair by the fire place and did what I always did first thing in the morning, I ambushed him. I sat in his lap and watched my cartoons and drank my hot chocolate until I had to go to school. 


I didn't understand why my mom was crying when she picked me up later. I got home and no one was around. I ran to my grandpa's chair to tell him I was home, but he wasn't there. I walked into the laundry room and my cousin was sitting on the stairs. I sat down next to her and asked her what was wrong, and she started crying.


"Grandpa died." 


Those words will forever be ingrained in my mind. I didn't know what they meant then, but in retrospect, my grandpa has been one of the most important men in my life. And on the 15th anniversary of his death I went to visit him. I brought him some beautiful flowers and told him how much I missed him. I didn't feel sad though, I felt peaceful because I knew he was in a better place than he ever was here.


I could go into the many achievements of his, but his most important was how well he could hold our family together. He kept everyone in line and he was not gonna take crap from anyone. And for that I greatly respect the man that he was.

I love you Grandpa. 

838 days left...

 My lovely blog and my Day zero list have been neglected. From this point forward I have decided to change that. My life has been going through many changes in the last six months and that is giving me new perspective.

I have become engaged.

I have gotten a job.

I bought a car. 

I got a new apartment with Jason.

I'm learning to let go of people who don't matter to my happiness.

And I've been cooking, which means I need to work out.

So to update my life I am also going to update my blog. I am going to try to blog at least once a week, and I might even add some recipes to spice things up. Cheesy I know. Now I just can't help myself. 

I am also going to update my Day Zero list and work diligently on completing it. I have a feeling that actually completing the entire list is going to be challenging fun and rewarding. So with nothing else to do, here is Day Zero.

1. Acquire 100 pairs of underwear.

2. Cook dinner every night for a week.

3. Host a Harry Potter Movie Marathon.

4. Compete in a triathlon.

5. Get Married.

6. Get my passport.

7. Get a massage.

8. Go to a college football game.

9. Fly a kite.

10. Go on a midnight picnic.

11. Open a savings account.

12. Put back $20 for each completed task.

13. Buy a cute piggy bank.

14. Take pole dancing aerobics lessons. 

15. Go to a drive in movie.

16. Blog everyday for a week.

17. Buy a digital camera.

18. Grow my hair out past my chest.

19. Go to Harry Potter World.

20. Visit Disneyland.

21. Vacation at the beach.

22. Sew an apron.

23. Sing karaoke at a bar.

24. Have a tea party.

25. Create a garden.

26. Visit Mexico.

27. Visit Canada.

28. Visit a lighthouse.

29. Take a hot air balloon ride.

30. Go skydiving.

31. See the Northern lights.

32. Read 100 books.

33. Watch every Edward Norton movie.

34. Go snowboarding.

35. Eat a different course at a different restaurant for a five course meal.

36. Eat at the melting pot.

37. Buy a fondue pot and have fondue night.

38. Go horseback riding.

39. Make homemade ice cream.

40. Knit a blanket

41. Knit myself convertible mittens.

42. Go to a New Years Eve party.

43. Make cake pops.

44. Have my fortune told.

45. Go on a camping trip.

46. Go hiking on Mount Pisgah.

47. Go out to a nice restaurant on our anniversary.

48. Buy flowers for no reason.

49. Write a message in a public restroom. 

50. Leave a 100% tip.

51. Leave $20 in a book for someone to find.

52. Complete the 5000 question survey.

53. Ride a train to another state.

54. Visit Coney Island.

55. Buy a Little Black Dress.

56. Bake a pumpkin pie from scratch.

57. Make an entire meal from only my garden.

58. Join a yoga class.

59. Knit Christmas stockings.

60. Try Absinthe.

61. Ride a wooden roller coaster.

62. Make my own Christmas cards.

63. Go lobster hunting.

64. Go skinny dipping in the ocean.

65. Participate in PostCrossing.

66. Ferry to Alaska.

67. Don't log on to Facebook for a week.

68. Complete a 1000 piece puzzle.

69. Say I love you every day for a month.

70. Make my own cookbook.

71. Buy the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child.

72. Get my cookbook published.

73. Visit the Statue of Liberty.

74. Harvest honey.

75. Own chickens.

76. Make snow angels.

77. Host a Harry Potter Halloween Party.

78. Vote.

79. Take a picture every day for a month.

80. Cook Thanksgiving dinner.

81. Host a game night.

82. Make my own jam.

83. Have a paint balloon war.

84. Cook my way through a cookbook.

85. Build a bookcase.

86. Make my own jerky. 

87. Make a piece of art and hang it in my house.

88. Get a puppy.

89. Watch the sun rise and set over the Pacific and Atlantic.

90. Make a pizza from scratch.

91. Buy a car.

92. Post a song cover on YouTube.

93. Sell five things from my online shop.

94. Save up $3000 in my savings account.

95. Visit my Grandpa.

96. Watch every episode of Lost.

97. Make my own wedding veil.

98. Create a craft area.

99. Pick berries for a pie made from scratch.

100. Make my own window coverings.

101. Go to OSF and watch a play, or three.

I have already completed some of these, and will create blog posts about them that hopefully include photos. But there are some I would love to redo :) 

See you at my next post!

The start of something new.

I've never had a blog before, but I decided that since my life is evolving the way I chronical it should evolve as well.


The title of my blog, Le Desir Irresistible, means the irresistible desire. This stems from my favorite quote by Robert Frost. "Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired," I saw this quote when I was 15 and it has stuck with me ever since.

Love is absolutely fascinating. Love can break your heart, mend your soul, begin a life, or end a marriage. It can be the greatest feeling in the world, or absolutely destroy someone's life. Love is so fascinating because it has aspects that are negative and positive.


Love makes me happy that my mother finally has a steady job. Love also makes me wish she would never talk to me again because she is destroying the life of my youngest brother.


I have learned that judging from an initial impression is one of the most poisonous things you can do in your life and I try to befriend everyone without assuming what their life is like. I was judged and treated horribly for the majority of my life and choose not to subject someone I don't even know to the harshness that follows a misguided judgment. You never know what someone has been through.


Looking at me today you would assume I have had an average life and done average things to attend an average college and make an average living so I can make it through the rest of my life comfortably.

Absolutely not.

I was abused physically for seven years by a man that deserves much worse than he will ever receive. I was born to a mother that offered me drugs for the first time when I was in Kindergarten. I have been homeless. I have been abandoned. I have been without love.


From every thing that I have experienced in my life, I have learned that love is the most important feeling you can give or receive from anyone. Even if you do not know the person.


This is my example about loving a stranger . . .


What would you do if you saw someone hitch hiking?


You would fear what they could be capable of and drive by without a second thought.


What if the person hitch hiking was you? Would you want someone to care about you? Would you hope that someone had enough care in their heart for a stranger to give you a ride?


I was driving home from Safeway and saw a lady on the shoulder of the road, trudging slowly and sticking out her thumb as she cautiously avoided traffic. I made the decision to care. I pulled over and transferred my grocery bags from the passenger seat to the back seat. I asked her where she needed to go and she said Beaverton. I agreed to take her to Wilsonville. As I merged back on to the road I Introduced myself and she did the same. Her name is Erica. We continued our conversation for the duration of the drive which ended with me offering to buy her a sandwich on account of her not having eaten since the day before. I hugged her and wished her the best and returned home.


I learned many things on that drive.
1. Don't judge.
2. Erica is 47 and has Breast Cancer.
3. She also has a 25 year old daughter and a 5 year old snake named Mcgoo.
4. She had to sell her car to afford her radiation and chemo therapy.
5. She is deserving of love.


You never know how you will affect the life of someone, so why not take the opportunity to show them love and make a positive impact in their life.


My blog will be centered on this irresistible desire, for I have a love of many things. Love of travel, expression, people, art, animals, cooking, family, learning, and most of all: life.